Sleep regression - ITS REAL (part II)

**update**

She's back!!! Only a day or two after I posted this Camila only woke once. Then the next two nights she slept through until 7:30. She will go down on her own also (Papi still stays with her before bed but she doesn't NEED it). Also, fun realization: our baby monitor has a microphone. I don't know why I hadn't thought to use that before! Well, I do know why. Last time I used it I chose an insanely scary voice to speak in and scared the sh*t out of her (stupid mommy moment...). BUT if you use a normal voice it's brilliant! She responds to me talking through the monitor as if I'm right there with her. Hallelujah! 

Baby becomes toddler. Toddler really GETS sleep. She knows her routine and often says "BYE!" as you walk out of the room. Sometimes it takes her 2 minutes to fall asleep, sometimes 20, but she always does it on her own. She sleeps all night - even noisy friends, a too-loud radio and thunder cease to wake her. She awakes at 8am, happy as can be, playing in her crib. Mama and papi sleep great (despite an over pregnant belly). Even when newborn arrives, nursing very 3 hours around the clock, mom still is able to get a decent nights sleep.

Then, something happens. Toddler starts waking 2x a night screaming bloody murder. OK, a few bad nights, no biggie.

Then, something more happens. Toddler starts waking 3-5 times a night (3 on a GOOD night). She only wants mommy. She wants to nurse. She wants in our bed. She wants mommy in her bed. She wants to sleep but she wants to be awake. Toddler also starts refusing bed time and naps. Every time is a fight and mama and papi revert back to rocking her to sleep. She ALSO decides that 5:30 is an acceptable wake time (FYI its not).

Sound familiar? If you remember my post on the 4 month sleep regression then it probably does.

I kinda saw this one coming. Her 4 month one was pretty intense compared to others I have talked to. Luckily she seemed to skip over the common 8/9 month one, but I had read that almost all kids hit the 18 month one, whether it effects naps, bedtime or both. A good friend who has a daughter 3 months older than Camila went through the 18 month with her daughter, and she also had a newborn son at the time, so I was just waiting for it to hit. And it did, right around 17 months, from one day to the next.

And once again it is most definitely tied to a developmental leap. She's starting to become more sassy and is talking a ton. She has a huge vocabulary but she's now trying to form short sentences and phrases. She's also reached a huge milestone in her language in that she's truly becoming bilingual. If I say, "Quires una manzana?" (do you want an apple) she says, "Apple!" When I say, "Do you want to eat?" she said, "Tengo hambre!" (I'm hungry). She doesn't always respond in a different language, but its fascinating when she does because you can see that she really, really gets the two different ways to say things. So this regression makes SENSE. We SEE it. But its HARD.

The hardest part about this regression? We have a new baby. Yea, he's incredibly chill and easy thus far (knock on wood - he's almost 4 months). But even so, he still eats every 3 hours, and he needs to eat whether or not his sister is currently throwing a fit at 2am. And guess who's on call? Yep, that would be me. Don't get me wrong, Donovan is AMAZING. But he works, and needs to be up and halfway functional at 5:30 am. Even if I get zero sleep, I have the option of lounging on the couch all day or finding time for a nap - he doesn't. Despite that, he of course still wants to help, but as much of a papa's girl as Camila is, in the middle of the night, its mommy or nothing. And unfortunately Donovan isn't lactating, so that leaves me Joaquín also. However, what we ended up resorting to during the hardest few days was relying on pumped milk and mini bottles of formula so Donovan could take over Joaquín's feedings if I wasn't in the room. This is in some ways more inconvenient because then I have to pump in the morning, but with Camila nursing also, its almost like she kind of took over his feedings as horrible as that sounds.

So my philosophy, whether or not its the right one, is generally this: She and her brother are the reason I stay home. I want to be a present, emotionally responsive parent. And so crying it out overall doesn't work for me or Donovan, as effective as it may be. In certain situations yes, but I could tell off the bat she wasn't doing this on purpose. You know those nights where you are forcing your eyes to stay closed because your mind is just racing? Well thats her. All night. Also, especially lately with two babies, we are very much on a "do what works" mind track. So I resorted to comforting her every time she woke, which only took 10 minutes vs letting her cry and dragging it out, and having Joaquín sleep in our bed pretty much the whole night (if I could feed him half asleep, at least I was half asleep and not fully awake). On especially tough nights we would let her sleep with us, but she would still be tossing and turning and waking frequently (this is part of how I knew it wasn't behavioral - if it was, she would have been happy sleeping all night in our bed, but she wasn't. It didn't make it better, it just made access to me more convenient.)

This all started on November 23rd. Yes I remember, and yes its been almost a month. From what Ive read the average is 4-6 weeks. And that they will magically go back to normal just like in other regressions. However after two really bad nights, mainly because it was combined with Camila having a yucky cold, we kind of started to feel that her cries weren't as frantic as they were before...they were more whiney. It seems like she's moved past the worst of it and is now just used to having us there. So for the last few days we've been thinking, ok little chick, you're fine now, you need to SLEEP. We are DONE. So we've been letting her cry more and weaning her off of needing us to sleep (from rocking her to just our hands on her back to us sitting in the rocking chair in her room).

Its already getting better and so fingers crossed this all ends soon. We don't even want to THINK about transitioning J into his crib until she is sleeping through the night again!

What is time?

Where did my time go? I swear I thought I had some. I used to use it to study Spanish. To write blogs. To clean the house. To workout. Hmm...

Oh wait, I think I found it.
Yep, there it is:

 Oh and here's the rest:

Funny story, as I was typing that my daughter found me hiding in the kitchen typing that sentence, grabbed my hand and pulled me to follow. I let her lead me away, of course, just barely being able to grab my mug of coffee and shut the laptop as we made our way to the book nook to read (silly me for thinking she would be happy reading alone for a few minutes - we called it "independent reading" at school, its good for her!). Here I am 6 hours later trying to ignore the dishes, laundry, Spanish workbook and squat rack all equally calling my name, grateful for a sleeping infant next to me with his little feet on my lap, while I try to type out a few more sentences before hurricane Camila opens her pretty little eyes.

I love this life. Im lucky as hell - I know that. I am so grateful to be able stay home with these two perfect little babies. Theres no better way to "lose" my time.

So it's been 2 months since Joaquín shook up our family and life already feels normal again (mostly)! Here's an update on the first 2 months of this little guys' life:

Family adjustment:

This little dude wraps us tighter and tighter around his finger every day. With Camila, my obsession and bond was instant. With Joaquín, it wasn't as intense in the beginning, but its gotten more and more intense every day and we are just OBSESSED with him now. ❤️Its interesting, in the very beginning, I LOVED him in a raw, motherly way. But in a lot of ways I was struggling with not being able to give my baby Camila the same 24/7 doting attention that I could before, and I cried a lot about that. I had this wrinkly, swollen little nugget baby to care for also now. But as my love and obsession for him grew, so did my realization that I had so much room in my heart for them both and I learned how to balance each of their needs. Well, of course I'm still learning that and it will continue to evolve, but at least now I know that I CAN.

And Camila LOVES him. Seriously - that part of the transition couldn't be more perfect.
Sometimes she loves him TOO much (laying on him, lovingly head butting him, you know...). At first she didn't seem to have any jealousy issues but now that he's 2 (almost 3) months old and the newness has worn off, I think she's starting to have some issues. The other day when I was feeding him she came up to me and started pulling on his arm, wagging her little finger at me saying, "no mama, no!" Whenever I put him in the Ergo to sooth him while I get stuff done, she cries and reaches, wanting to be carried instead of him. Its a little challenging and we just have to be very aware of giving her equal "baby" time - she is still a baby after all.

What's also pretty awesome is that Camila plays "mama" like a champ. She feeds her baby doll, nurses it, rocks it to sleep, swaddled it, everything she sees us do. It's ADORABLE. 

Things are definitely a lot harder with a toddler and a baby! Camila just has so much energy that just lounging around the house playing while I get stuff done lasts maybe 20 minutes. In chunks. And usually she makes more of a mess in the process, making whatever I "got done" pretty obsolete. Like using bathtub crayons to draw on the toilet while I fold laundry. Or pulling out everything from the diaper bag and spreading it around the living room while I clean up from breakfast, one foot bouncing the baby. So we get out of the house a lot during the day! But we have made lots of friends through the Moms Group I am a part of so that piece is fantastic. We always have someone to hang out with and Camila is getting awesome social interaction with her many little friends!

Another interesting change is Donovan and I cherish our time together so much more. Its hard to connect when you are each wrangling a young child, and we value our time together after the kids go to bed so much more! Im definitely impressed with how well we team work these two. Our routine right now is that we bathe them together - Camila loves getting in his baby bathtub with him (and pulling his baby boy parts...we are working on that) and he LOVES the warm water. I usually get J out and dressed while he brushes C's teeth and dresses her. Then I nurse Camila while Donovan spends some time with J, then we switch again and Donovan reads to C and puts her to bed while I nurse J and rock him to sleep. It works really well for now, but Camila is going through a horrid 18 month sleep regression right now so putting her to bed takes a little longer than it used to.

And even though things are a lot busier and harder with this duo, somehow it all just works. I thought I would need a lot more help in the beginning but we found that Joaquín slipped right in perfectly and the train just kept moving.

Joaquín updates

• He's AWESOME. I realize it more every day. 
• He's the strongest baby in the world. He can hold his head up like a boss.
• He's nowhere near being consistent with his naps - sometimes he hardly sleeps all day, other days he sleeps the ENTIRE day...but nighttime is pretty predictable. His longest stretch is anywhere from 4-6 hours and lately (lately...things change...) he's been ready to go down for the night at 8, same as Camila. We love that!
• He's already stretching his 3-6 month clothes **tear**
• He's the handsomest boy in all the land. 
• His little fists of fury make my heart melt.
• When he talks he sounds like a little seal.
• He smiles when you circle his mouth with your finger.
• He looks like his mama :)

Postpartum (operation: squat 135)

So remember how this blog is called "Staying Fit With Baby B: Pregnancy and BEYOND"? Yea that 'beyond' part...Ive basically been pregnant for 2 years so we've definitely arrived at 'beyond' and its a struggle, physically and mentally. 2 years of pregnancy hormones and changing physical abilities have turned my muscles into mush. When I got pregnant with Camila I was squatting 135 regularly, which is the squat bar with (2) 45b plates on either side, and was still working up. Donovan and I just started a program called 5x5, which is a 3x a week intense strength building workout where you add 5 lbs literally every workout. I had to start this program squatting 35 lbs TOTAL (only 100 more to go!...). Blow to my ego like woah. Its not just about my strength, but the pelvic issue Id been having is still sensitive so whatever I do I need to take it slooooow so my body can strengthen EVERYwhere. 2 babies in 2 years requires some postpartum body love for sure.  :)

Finding time to workout has been tricky, but its working. Currently we both workout at home in the basement while Camila plays in her playroom and watches her music videos on the TV. We take turns entertaining her or checking on her in between sets. Joaquín is usually sleeping or in a bouncy chair, again getting bounced in between sets. When he is 12 weeks old (which is about now) he can go to the Gold's gym daycare, so we will slowly fit that back into the schedule also. Its easy to workout at home but the atmosphere in the gym is motivating, and we (slash I) could use some time without juggling two babies :)

So while I am really working on gaining strength, this funny little hormone called prolactin (responsible for making milk...oh and also holding on to fat in case of a famine. THANKS PROLACTIN. Its 2015, get with the times) makes it hard to build muscle. So while I am eating a ton to try and help my body build muscle while also nursing, Im not sure how much Ill be able to do. Prolactin levels take a dip between 4-6 months postpartum, so Ill wait until then to really evaluate my progress.

So I have to dip into the body image piece, because its a huge part of this story and a part I don't want to forget. I got stretch marks this pregnancy, but not until AFTER J was born. Weird huh? And guess what - I don't care AT ALL. Im proud of myself for feeling that way. Honestly I kind of feel like I earned them. That delivery was rough and now I have a natural tattoo reminding me of how amazing my body is. The thing that Im struggling a bit with is my weight, which is still 20 lbs above where I started (yea I gained 40lbs and some change during both pregnancies). Im not doing anything to try and lose that extra fat right now because that would compete with my goal of gaining muscle (thats something I need to remind myself of when Im sliding on those maternity jeans after not being able to get my regular pants past my thigh). After Camila was born, my weight plummeted back to pre-baby weight when she was 5 months old (thank prolactin...for real this time) so I am hoping for the same this time. **waiting patiently**

But even though Im self-conscious of the extra baggage Im carrying around, I am handling it SO MUCH DIFFERENTLY than the old me would have. We went to an indoor pool recently with some mom friends and I wondered if I would feel comfortable wearing my bikini, my only bathing suit, or if I should buy a new one. My first thought, not my second or third, or a thought I had to force myself to think, my FIRST and NATURAL thought, was "hell yea I can wear my bikini. Im not going to cover up my stretch marks and muffin top JUST to hide them. Tankinis are cute and if I want one because I like it, than great. But Im not going to buy one IN ORDER TO cover myself up - Im proud of my body in so many ways, and I want my daughter to see that."

BAM.

Thank you Camila - being your mom has made me stronger in more ways than you know. And thank you Joaquín, for truly challenging my body's strength like 45lb plates never could.

(By the way, this blog took me at least 2 weeks to write. You're welcome.)

My daughter speaks Spanish and I speak English…what?

Disclaimer: So I wrote this about 2 months ago. Before we had our second baby. Already so much has changed - I am having a hard time studying. In fact, I haven't actually sat down and studied Spanish since Joaquín was born. I just can't find the time. I am hoping once things settle down Ill be able to fit it in my routine again. Im still talking as much as I can but have been using English a lot more as well, and Camila is starting to respond to more English and is actually starting to show that she understands multiple things in both languages - SO cool to see! I state below that her spoken vocabulary is 10-20 words. Well now its closer to 50 (I counted) and still almost all in Spanish (except for 'chair' and 'cheese'. Interesting.) Anyway, this will continue to evolve and change so enjoy reading for now! Sorry for the lack of pictures… :/

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Yea, its pretty strange. When I talk to my 15 month old daughter in English she barely looks at me. She goes about her business as if Im not even talking. But when I say the exact same thing in Spanish, or some grammatically incorrect variation of the exact same thing, she turns and looks at me intently. If I ask her to do something in English, no response. When I ask in Spanish, she immediately obliges.

My first language is English. I know it extremely well. I am a grammar nazi to others and a pretty good writer. And Im a talker. I love to talk, I love to read, I love to narrate everything my daughter sees and does so that her language base is rich and wonderful.

And yet…I pretty much only speak to her in Spanish. Which, to be honest, puts her at a disadvantage sometimes because, especially lately, I often times have difficulty explaining things to her in the rich detail and ease I would be able to if I were speaking in English. Don't get me wrong, I DO speak English to her, but not often enough YET for her to really understand and respond to it.

Let me back up a bit. My 'base' understanding of Spanish came from 4 years of Spanish in high school, and a desire to do well because I really liked my teacher. I built on that when I taught in a bilingual classroom during my student teaching year in a majority-hispanic neighborhood. Parent-teacher conferences were held in Spanish and the culture was so rich among the diverse families. I thought I was something special when I met my husband and could rattle off a few basic sentences with my "good" accent and when I bragged about the Reggeton music I listened to and how I couldn't wait to learn how to dance salsa (I of course, like most white Americans, confused all latin cultures and had no clue that my husband, as a Mexican-American, didn't listen to Reggeton and his family did not dance salsa at family parties - luckily, he forgave me for my ignorance. :) ).

As our relationship developed and my understanding of his culture was enriched, we eventually decided that when we had kids, we definitely wanted them to know Spanish. Language is an amazing way to pass on a culture, specifically a cultural IDENTITY. It wasn't until I was pregnant and ready to give birth to our daughter that I realized how badly I wanted this for her. Not just to know Spanish in an "I understand it all and speak a little" way, but to KNOW IT and feel comfortable enough with it to hold conversations and identify identify herself as a fluently bilingual individual. From experience and research I knew that the only way to achieve this was to ensure that our kids had a need for the language.

My husband and I easily decided that he would only speak Spanish to Camila - ONLY Spanish. We knew the importance of her associating a language with a face. You have all probably seen it - a parent speaking their native language to their child, and the child responding in English. This is BOUND to happen - we aren't ignorant to that. However the language-face association will HELP when we get to that point, because the moment our kids start to respond to Donovan in English out of ease one day, he can redirect them easily. How difficult or easy it will be to maintain this will be dependent on the personality (i.e. STUBBORNESS) of our kids, as well as how consistently he enforces it. We also obviously asked all of Donovan's family to speak Spanish to Camila.

Next step - mom. Yea that's me. What role can I play in this? "Minority Language at Home" is probably the most effective language strategy used that ensures full minority-language capability in children, but I was simply not there. Also, I want to know Spanish too! Yes this is about our kids but what about me? Ive always wanted to teach in a bilingual classroom again, or even in a Spanish-speaking country, and I really super-badly want to be able to sit at the table with Donovan's family and activity participate in the conversations and laugh at the jokes, but I need fluency in the language to be able to do any of that. I've always said "This year, I will be come fluent in Spanish!" Bahahaha, yea right. It never happened. I loosely used Rosetta Stone that my mom had so awesomely bought me but… Newsflash: Its HARD to learn a second language fluently as an adult. It takes discipline, routine, and a deep desire or motivation. Well, my motivation soon came. The simple desire wasn't enough - but when I got pregnant with my baby girl, I had my deep-seeded motivation.

Since Camila has been born I have talked Spanish to her as much as possible. My limited ability was just fine for her newborn stage. I stuck with Rosetta Stone until I reached a weird plateau - I was definitely learning with RS but the program didn't directly teach grammatical rules. So I would learn a phrase but would constantly be asking myself, "But WHY…" I wasn't able to take what I learned in Rosetta Stone and transfer it to new sentences or situations. So I went on Amazon and purchased a Spanish Verb Tenses workbook that had great reviews, and this has helped me TREMENDOUSLY. Once I understand a grammatical rule, I can then apply it to the verbs and nouns I know and form new sentences based on that rule. I study daily, usually at Camila's nap time. This is one of the luxury's of being able to stay home. Then I practice what I learn with her throughout the day. If I don't know a word, I look it up on my phone or in the dictionary. Or, I ask Donovan when he's home.

My speaking ability has increased dramatically since taking this approach and I have been able to keep up with Camila's language development for the most part. My general rule has been - if I know it in Spanish, say it in Spanish. If not, say it in English first, and then try to translate it. Until around now, I have been able to say almost everything in Spanish, and well. I say "until around now" because man, she is learning FAST. She understands SO much, follows basic commands, and can say about 10-20 words (almost all of them in Spanish), and responds yes or no to questions. In the past 2-3 months I have been finding myself needing to explain situations to her in more detail than before. For example, when we are at the pool and she is playing with another child and she hugs him or pets him too aggressively. I want to say, "No baby you need to be gentle. When you hit like that it can hurt. We don't want to hurt others. Look, touch him/hug him like this." Instead, what I am able to translate is more like, "No baby, don't hit. Gentle. Like this." Sure, I got my point across, but not as richly as I would have liked. And if I stop and think really hard and pull out my dictionary and my iPhone translator and JUST GIVE ME LIKE 5 MINUTES I could totally put together the phrase that I want. But by then the moment is over. My bestie gave me a great suggestion that's been working well for situations like this: take note throughout the day of situations like these where I feel unable to translate what I want to as richly as I could in English, and then work on writing and translating little paragraphs based on these situations the next day. So far Ive done a "El Parque (park)" paragraph and a "La Piscina (pool)" paragraph, and yes they both helped a lot! I was able to focus on some key phrases and situations and then plop those phrases in my back pocket (semi-literally) for the next time we found ourselves in a similar situation.

Another funny thing has started to happen - while I speak Spanish pretty darn well when its just me and my toddler all day, I pretty much suck at holding a decent conversation with my husband. Im also finding that my listening ability is actually DEcreasing. We will sit and watch a show together in Spanish and I want to cry because I can't understand a lick of what they're saying. And here I felt like a bilingual rock-star all day. It turns out my ability to read, write and speak Spanish are getting stronger while my ability to hear and understand Spanish is either staying stagnant or decreasing, because I haven't been working on those skills nearly enough. When watching a show in Spanish, I can understand more of whats going on if the Spanish subtitles are on, because I can READ spanish better than I can hear it. This is also why I feel so frustrated when Donovan and I have conversations in Spanish, because he talks too fast for me and it all rumbles together. I. need. to. listen. to. spanish. like. this. in order to understand it. And in reality, Donovan and I should be talking to each other a lot in Spanish, but we just DONT. We've tried "Spanish at the dinner table", and it will usually last a week or so before we revert to what's easiest, which is English. But yet we will both turn to Camila and speak Spanish to her. Its odd. Haha.

Anyway, I sit here at this crossroads, wondering literally every single day if I am making the right choice. I often get so discouraged and think to myself, "Im really gonna eff her up…she won't be able to speak ANY language well. I should just revert to all English before its too late."

BUT…if I can step back and try to view it objectively, I do know that there really is no wrong decision. She will grow and develop. She already is. at 15 months old she has a vocabulary of 10-20 words. Id say thats pretty good. Her entire environment is in English. In reality, if I stop trying to speak Spanish to her and speak all English, I would be doing us both a disservice. As great as it is that Donovan speaks Spanish to her and will continue to do so, I am the one that is home with her all day and so my language influence plays a bigger role. Also, almost more importantly, if I stop speaking Spanish to her, my own learning stops. Ive learned more in this past year that I have since high school Spanish.

My husband told me that, on a scale of 1-10 (1 being my dad who thought 'hello' in Spanish was literally said 'hole-ah' because he saw it written down - sorry to call you out pops but its true :) - and 10 being my Mexican-born-and-raised sister in law who learned English fluently only in the last 4-5 years and who is also a talker and a teacher) my language ability has gone from a 2 to a 4 to a 6 (our time frame measurements were when we met, when we married, and now). I really feel like thats saying something, and Im proud of it.  :)

Another reality is that Camila's environment is almost all English outside of our home. And right now thats a good thing. She's picking up a lot of English from the little I speak to her, as well as playground conversations, listening to Donovan and I talk to each other, and conversations she has with her family that all lives here. And when she goes to preschool, thats going to influence her even more. My prediction is that eventually, Spanish won't be her dominate language. I think that she and I will eventually even out and I will end up speaking even more English to her, probably around preschool or Kindergarten age. I just think that, even if Im 10x better in the language by then, I will feel more comfortable talking through certain situations in English with her, because its the language I will always be more comfortable with. She will be conversing by then and will probably be coming home with stories about who hit who and what mean thing someone said to someone else, and I feel that those conversations, between me and her, will happen in English - not to mention the fact that her conversations in school will most likely be held in English.

Our hope right now is that we can at least give our children a solid base of Spanish, even if English ends up dominating in a few years. That solid base should set the tone for being able to switch between the two languages comfortably and easily as children, teens and eventually adults.

Joaquín's birth story!

Joaquín Santiago Barroso

Ever heard of a membrane sweep? It’s a super quick procedure your OBGYN can do when you are full term to help jump-start labor, IF your body is ready.

The doctor or NP basically sticks his or her finger INTO your cervix (assuming you are dilated at least 1-2 cm) and sweeps it around in a circle, separating the amniotic sack from the walls of the cervix. If you’re cringing at the thought of it right now, you should be. It feels WEIRD. I wouldn’t say it hurts per se, but it’s definitely not a fun experience by any means.

Oh and also, IT WORKS.

I had a membrane sweep at my 39 week appointment on Wednesday, September 9^th, probably around 4pm. By dinner time I was feeling menstral-like cramps, and by the time Camila went to bed the cramps were defined enough that I could time them. Donovan and I went to bed assuming we’d only be getting a few hours sleep.

WARNING: TMI ahead.  J

Around 2 am I woke up, after a few hours of sleep where my mild contractions made their way into my dreams, to what felt like my water breaking. I jumped up (as fast as a 9 months pregnant woman can jump up – imagine a turtle stuck on its back) and when I got to the bathroom I realized it was actually a pretty decent sized gush of blood, which freaked me the eff out. I woke up Donovan to update him and went downstairs to call the hospital. The doctor didn’t seem too concerned, seemed to think it could be a side effect of the sweep combined with going into labor, and said to start timing my contractions and come in when they are 511 – 5 minutes apart, lasting at least 1 minute each for at least 1 full hour. Well, I had been hearing enough stories about 2 ^nd babies coming fast, some even in the car, that I chose to fudge my contraction timing chart and go ahead and go in. I texted my mom all the updates (by now it was about 2:45). She also insisted that she come right over (to stay with Camila) and that we leave for the hospital ASAP. We left for the hospital at about 3:20am and I was having steady contractions the whole ride there.

We arrived at Anne Arundel Medical Center in Annapolis probably around 3:45am and while we were checking in, my contractions all of a sudden got pretty close together and much stronger. The nurse behind the desk noticed and got someone to take me back right away while my husband finished checking us in. They got me on an IV and checked my dilation – I was about 4-5 cm and my contractions went from bad to worse. I believe this is when the screaming kicked in. My poor husband was trying to rub my head and speak sweet nothings in my ear, and my response was to slap him as hard as I could and told him to get away from me. I heard him go “Ow…” and I instantly felt guilty. I think I will always feel a little guilty about that, even though he seems to have forgiven me.

By the time they transferred me to the birthing room I was 8 cm dilated and 5 minutes later I was 9. My contractions had also escalated to excorcist-like proportions. I was screaming louder and harder than I every have, writhing in my bed, biting and scratching anything near by. In between contractions I asked Donovan to please not speak to me or touch me during a contraction, so he felt pretty helpless watching me go through this. We were both amazed at how fast this was all happening – by this time it was probably only 4:20 or so – only an hour after we left for the hospital. Thank freaking god we left when we did.

So you are probably wondering by now, as was I, where the F my epidural was. I was begging these people, “ I need an epidural NOW. Like RIGHT NOW. GIVE IT TO ME! WHY WON’T YOU GIVE ME AN EPIDURAL?!” and they would say, “Its coming sweetie we just have to wait on your blood work. Just a few more minutes. Don’t worry, it wont be too late, its coming.” I feel bad because for the first time I think ever, I was blatantly and purposefully rude to people. I staring moving my hand like I was mimicking talking, and was like, “Yea yea yea you guys say all these nice words but you’re not actually doing anything!” Then a contraction came that made me feel like I was going to literally be ripped apart and die. I think I even screamed out, “HE’S GOING TO KILL ME!!!!” My body took over and I couldn’t NOT push, even though they weren’t set up to deliver yet and the doctor wasn’t there. I just bared down. A nurse asked, “Are you pushing right now?” I yelled, “YES I have to!” and she grabbed my leg and lifted it up – I was laying on my side gripping the railing – and was like, “Oh, there’s baby…Ok if you feel like you have to then just push!” All of a sudden my water broke, just like

in the movies, a huge GUSH that went everywhere. This is the part that Donovan says freaked him out the most. It was like it just POPPED. I barely noticed, I just screamed once again, “I NEEEEED AN EPIDURAL NOOOOOOW!” and what she said back was my worst fear – “Sorry hun, there’s no time for an epidural, he’s coming NOW. You need to push.” They paged the doctor and pulled over the equipment and I just started pushing through the contractions, which honestly made them a lot more bearable.

After popping a few capillaries in my eyeballs and face (which I didn’t notice until much later), the

nurses and doctors got all encouraging, saying his head was right there and to push down harder. The feeling of a baby’s head actually coming out was later described to me as the “ring of fire” – and it could not be more accurate. That shit BURNED. What made it crazier was I guess Joaquin’s shoulder got stuck. So there were a few pushes where only half his face was out and he wasn’t moving – or breathing. Donovan told me his face and head were completely purple. The mood in the room changed and all of a sudden one of the nurses jumped ON TOP of me, straddling me backwards, and her and the doctors told me to just push as hard as I could and not let up – meanwhile, this nurse started pushing on my belly HARD, literally pushing the baby out, while the doctor had her hands in me and was pulling – holy crap that was intense, but it worked and he came out at 4:56 am. He wasn’t breathing so they didn’t give him to me right away, but after a few minutes he let out a cry and proved he was fine.

Another sucky thing about no epidural is that all the pain that comes AFTER childbirth –  delivery of the placenta, sewing you up, massaging your insides, inserting a catheter – yea you gotta feel all that too. Even though they gave me a numbing medication (i.e. a NEEDLE in your VAGINA) it didn’t mask everything.

While the nurses were doing what they do and Donovan was taking pictures, I heard them comment on how heavy he was. I also heard comments like, “How did you fit inside your mama little man? She’s tiny!” When they finally got him to the scale I was mindblown when they said he was 9 lbs 3 oz (and 20 inches long)! That’s almost 2 whole pounds more than Camila weighed (she was 7 lbs 8 oz, 18.5 inches long). Based on how big my belly was, people would comment on how he would probably be a big baby, but I shrugged it off thinking, “Yea I was big with my daughter too and she was tiny so it’s fine.” Its not even like he is really all that BIG – he doesn’t have rolls on top of rolls or anything like that – he’s just DENSE.

And did I mention the bruising? Not on me – on HIM. Poor baby’s face was completely bruised due to him coming out so fast and being relatively big. He also developed a terrible newborn rash on day 2 that Camila never had. Poor little dude!

Poor baby's bruised face

When they handed me my baby it felt so surreal. Kind of like it was Camila all over again, but obviously different. I tore my gown off so he could lay against me, and I just closed my eyes and breathed him in, enjoying the feeling of his raw skin against mine. I can’t really say it was this

overwhelming feeling of love – that came a little later when I really got to relax, look at him, and take it all in – this feeling was more one of satisfaction, relief and tranquility. I felt so relieved that it was over, that he was OUT and the pain had stopped, that I could finally see his little face and his head full of hair (yay!). And I felt especially grateful and relieved to have my amazing husband by my side – he handled the whole ordeal amazingly.

Camila meeting her baby brother

After about an hour or so, after everything was cleaned up and I was put back together a bit, the nurses thought I should try to get up and pee. Donovan and a nurse very gently helped me up, but as soon as there was weight on my right leg, there was a shooting, sharp pain in my groin that made it so I couldn’t even take a step. It was literally impossible. I was almost in tears all over again. It was even a struggle to get me back into bed and when I finally was, I just lay back in defeat. The nurse seemed very concerned and asked if I had heard a pop during delivery – that’s a worrisome question. I hadn’t, but she seemed to think I had maybe broken a pubic bone. After trying to use a bedpan to pee (I say ‘trying’ because I had lost the sensation of a full bladder) they had to intervene manually (this is where the above-mentioned catheter comes in). They also ‘investigated’ a bit and changed the ‘broken pubic bone’ theory to ‘hemoglobin’, which is some sort of large bruise-blood clot thing they thought maybe I had that was providing the pain and inability to walk. Fast-forward a bit through this boring part of the story, after a normal looking Xray and a full day of using the bedpan to pee (even though I lost the sensation of having to pee, I could meditate enough to will the pee to slowly trickle out – lovely I know), Donovan and I realized that the pain was the Symphasis Pubis Dysfuntion pain that I had during my pregnancy, except 10x worse due to just birthing a 9lb baby. Duh. I don’t know why it didn’t click earlier. Some people with this dysfunction have to use a walker to get around, so the nurses brought me one and told me I was probably looking at taking the walker home, as well as physical therapy and bed rest. I don’t know about you, but I don’t think using a walker and bed rest go well with raising a TODDLER. I really lucked out though because after a decent night’s sleep that night, I was able to get t o the bathroom using the walker. And the next time, I could do it by walking solo. All of a sudden the pain was MUCH more manageable, and now, 4 days later, I’m up and moving around completely fine (as long as I’m hyped up on Percocet ;) ). I can’t explain HOW RELIEVED I am to have dodged that bullet.

"On the lights" - phototherapy
is a treatment for jaundice

Anyway, a few hours after the birth we were transferred to the mother/baby room where we would stay for the next 4 days (thanks to jaundice – we had the exact same experience with Camila). The timing worked perfectly because as soon as Camila woke up my mom was able to bring her down to meet her baby brother – she was enamored. We have the whole thing on video. After family visiting Donovan was able to get a decent nap in, and I did the best I could. I drifted in and out of sleep, in between text messages with friends and family and updating on social media – something I was way too excited to do.

So that’s it. We had dinner, put our daughter to bed, had a baby, and were done by the time breakfast was being delivered (although we were spoiled by my sister and Kurt coming to visit before leaving for work and bringing Chick Fil A ;) ). I definitely can’t complain about the quickness of the birth. But man was it painful. And recovery is still a very real part of childbirth that gets underestimated. Oxycodon is my friend. When it wears off it feels like trucks are driving over my insides, I start to limp from pelvis pain and my stiches feel like they’re gonna burst. But we are already almost a week out and it gets better every day  J

We ended up staying in the hospital for 3.5 days because Joaquin’s bilirubin levels were too high to send him home. Basically, he was jaundiced. We had the exact same situation happen with Camila so we were kind of expecting it. Camila stayed with Nana for two nights, and she did so amazingly well, but we both missed her terribly even though she visited twice a day so Donovan went home to be with her for the rest of the time. I did a really great job of not letting it agitate me too much and just used the time to rest, drift in and out of sleep, and relish in the quietness that wouldn’t be there once I got home. Donovan and Camila also got some much-deserved bonding time.

Ready to go home!

37 week bumpdate!

So im not updating every.single.week. like I was with Camila, but every few weeks is enough I feel. Hopefully baby number 3 (if we so chose) won't get completely dropped off the bumpdate radar…ha.

Anyway…

SOMEONE GET THIS BABY OUT OF ME…STAT!

I can't complain too much - this pregnancy has still been pretty easy compared to stories Ive heard. And for the most part, its been very similar to my pregnancy with Camila - easy peasy. Until now. Well until maybe 3-4 weeks ago.

`

I dug a hole for my belly! Most blissful 20 minutes…
even with a toddler climbing all over me.

When I had Camila I guess it aggravated a ligament in my pelvis, right dead center, that over this past year has bothered me off and on. It usually only flared up when I ran too hard or too long (split-leg exercises are what aggravate it the most) but I was able to maintain it by just laying off the running, and then building back up slowly. Well, I guess pregnancy pressure plus walking/running on the beach plus glut kickbacks (such an easy exercise but my pelvis was saying NO) messed it up so bad I had trouble walking the next day. Oy!

The official name for this pain is Symphasis Pelvis Dysfunction, which is apparently really common. The doctor and online resources all said I should really lay off of it completely until baby is born so that its not aggravated during labor, so I decided to completely lay off the workouts. I figure its only a few weeks, plus the 6 weeks after the baby is born. Its still driving me NUTS though - especially since then I started having this terrible HIP pain that, again, if I wasn't careful, left me limping some days. Holy pain! Whats wrong with me?! I was at the point where even walking to the park, which is right around the corner, was sometimes too much. And if a wonderful day came where I could handle the walk and didn't have to drive, I definitely needed some couch time afterwards.


This was obviously driving me INSANE! Im such an active person and so forcing myself to slow down has been hard. However every time I tried to jump up to do something 'normal' my body typically reminded me with a sharp pain that I needed to slow the f*** down. Not so great with an active toddler. Who luckily sticks pretty close. But my energy has also been declining rapidly so maybe its all a good thing. Ive barely had the energy to get up off the couch most days, let alone make dinner.

Also, did I mention Im huge? Like, really big. I look like Im due any day. My neighbor/friend asked me a week ago when Im due. I said the 17th and she nodded and smiled. Then I said "…of Septemeber" and she goes, "WHAT?!", eyes bugged out and everything. I had to laugh. Because thats how I feel. Every morning. He feels really low, like his head is poking out. And a few times a day it feels like he's grabbing onto a nerve connected right to my most sensitive lady part areas and tugging and twisting away. Its the strangest, most uncomfortable feeling!

Luckily though, all of a sudden yesterday I felt almost like my old self again. My pains are mostly gone and Ive actually had the energy to plan and cook dinner and make bread and clean the house (all which have been TERRIBLY neglected lately). Last night I was on my hands and knees after Camila went to bed scrubbing the tub. I hear that this sudden burst of energy is common before labor so hopefully its a sign?! Hold on I need to go mop...

Despite all my complaining, we are really loving life and anticipating this new little member. So soon now! You wouldn't know it by looking at our house though - we don't have a hospital bag packed or a bassinet next to the bed or even a room that resembles a nursery for him. Funny how 2nd babies do that

Our little flower girl! Us at 2 of our closest friends'
wedding. 

to ya  :) We are working on all that, just slowly. He won't need much when he gets here anyway. A boob and a blanket and we will be set.

Ive been asked a few times what Camila thinks, if she's excited for the baby. My answer is always the same - she has NO CLUE. She can't, she's too young. We tell her her baby brother, her "hermanito", is in my belly, so now when we ask her, "Donde esta tu hermanito?" she will just happily pat the closest belly to her - sometimes even her own. I imagine her thinking, "They are telling me that this body part is called a baby brother so Ill play along!" She is pretty obsessed with my large belly though. She thinks its hilarious when I bump her head with it. Serious belly giggles. Its pretty entertaining.

Needless to say we cannot WAIT for this little guy to get here. Any day now little dude. We can't even imagine what he's going to look like - We imagined with Camila and we were totally wrong. We imagined her with black hair and dark skin, and my facial features, but she's completely flipped. While she is pretty tan, she has my skin for the most park, her hair is BLOND for gosh sakes (MUST be the sun because seriously?!) and her actual FACE looks just like Donovan's. Genetics are so funny! I just hope he's not a large as my belly would imply that he is…

Enjoying one of the few pool days we have left - how
is my belly this big?! Also loving Camila's face.