Birthday and mother's day reflections - SAP WARNING!

As I am sitting here at 6am watching I Love Lucy reruns (my favorite show of all time), on my birthday, sipping a hot cup of coffee (the 2nd cup, because I spilled the entire first cup on myself and the couch…that sucked), I am reflecting on being 30, being a mother, and what its like to be married to the man I was made for and to have built a life and a family with him.

Yes yes, sap sap, I know. I considered not writing a blog about this, because its really just personal thoughts and reflections, but I remembered that part of the purpose of this blog is for memory's sake.

I was feeling a little bummed about not being in my 20s anymore. This is the first time Ive ever felt unexcited about a birthday! Its an oddly adult feeling. However a friend told me something yesterday that really hit home. She said she loves her thirties, because once she was entering her 30s, she had already explored and discovered herself and what she loves in life. So she feels like she is able to spend her 30s really enjoying who she is and what she enjoys, rather than the whole "finding yourself" we all do in our 20s. I really like that perspective, and I totally agree! I plan on spending the next decade getting as much out of life as possible.



A few days before my 30th birthday, I got to celebrate my first and only first Mother's Day. What is Mother's Day anyway? Just another greeting card holiday, like Valentine's Day, which I refuse to celebrate. It was interesting because this year, like every year, I started stressing about what to get my mom and stepmom for Mother's Day. All of a sudden I put it into perspective - what will I want from Camila when she's older? What will I expect? The truth - Absolutely nothing. The only thing I would want from her is to spend the day with her, or if she's not living close enough to do that, for her to call me and spend an hour on the phone with me catching me up on the latest and greatest in her life. The only thing I care about on Mother's Day is knowing my children are happy, knowing they are leading fulfilling and happy lives, and having them carve out some time to love on their mom, who loves them more than they will ever know. The last thing I would want is for her to stress about the obligatory gift or flowers.

So I chose to completely forgo gifts and flowers for my mothers (sorry guys!) on the basis that I know now that they feel the same way I do. Instead we hand-made a card for each and spent the day with them.

Before I go in to my Mother's Day memories, I have to say that being a mother is the most incredible, rewarding, amazing, awesome experience in the WORLD. This little girl has changed me more than I thought possible. My heart quadrupled in size the moment I laid eyes on her. It also decided to plant itself OUTSIDE of my body, where it can no longer hide emotions and feelings. I could just stare at her all day. My days spent at home with her are too short and too fast. I kiss her at least once a minute. Even her toes, and I hate feet. I am so grateful and so blessed that my husband and I have built a life where I don't have to miss a single smile, tear, new discovery or excited squeal. This baby girl has my heart wrapped around her finger and that both warms me and scares me in ways only a parent can understand. I remember the week I went into labor with her, where I became so petrified of being a parent, of having to focus on someone else other than myself and my husband, of having my life change, that I broke down in tears. And how that feeling completely disappeared once they placed her in my arms. I look back on that fear now and laugh, because it seems so foolish.
Ok, tears are present…moving on.

We started the day with Camila sleeping later than us (score!) and Donovan and Camila making us a
delicious, special breakfast. After nap time we went on a bike ride, stopping at Dunkin Donuts and the park on the way back. It was a perfect near-90-degree day (the heat and I are friends), so our treat was iced coffee, and since Camila is so used to being able to eat and drink whatever we are eating and drinking, she needed a treat too. So we got her two donut holes…and oh my gosh, I wish I had video taped her reaction when we gave her BOTH at the same time. We have some pretty great pictures…but they don't capture her excitement nearly as well. She was thrilled to have one, but as soon as Donovan placed the other in her hand, she pulled them both close to her, tilted her head back and just started giggling.


We didn't get a picture of that first reaction, but it was this face:

…but in this moment:

She didn't even eat them right away. She sat there admiring her treasure, giggling, pretending to feed us then pulling them back in, pretending to put them back in the cup but never letting her iron grip go, until finally we brought her hands to her mouth and she ate both within minutes. It was pretty damn adorable.

That whole morning pretty much made my day. Just spending it with my little family, sharing special moments and enjoying the sunshine.

We then went to my dad and step-moms for a get together, and then to my mom and stepdad's for dinner. At my dad's, there was a tub of water balloons that Camila was obsessed with! Oh my gosh watching her play with those balloons was SO flipping adorable! She was absolutely delighted for a good 30-45 minutes.

Donovan was telling me to squeeze the balloon, and you can tell by my face that I was the one that knew what was going to happen! 

And there it is!

At my mom's, we just spent time relaxing, eating and playing corn hole. Camila really enjoyed just watching us play, and rolling around in the grass.  :)

We also got some fabulous Mother's Day photos  :)

Happy heart. I am feeling incredibly blessed, not only to be a mother to the most amazing little person I have ever met in my life, or to be the wife of the most caring, loving and loyal man and father I've ever met, but to have a mom who loves me more than life, the way I love Camila, and who absolutely adores her granddaughter. A step-mom who has accepted me as her own daughter, and loves her granddaughter in the same way. And a mother-in-law who raised that previously-mentioned caring, loving and loyal man and who has accepted me in to her family with love and acceptance. What more do you need?!